Where do I find videos of nonbinary people having hot queer sex?
By Alex Furssedonn.
Navigating pornography feels tricky — where do I even begin when it comes to finding adult content that makes me tick? Mainstream porn is created to cater to the cis-het patriarchy for the most part, pushing fantasies of hairless babes stuck in washing machines and scary step moms, and even at its most tame features two conventionally attractive cisgender people having p-in-v sex with a gratuitous money shot.
Another mainstay of the medium is “lesbian” porn — now I put it in inverted commas because as we all know, this content rarely depicts the reality of lesbian sex. It presents us with long french tip nails and egregious scissoring positions, when in reality, it’s often more of a #catcameo and a Britney votive candle kind of vibe. The pleasure within mainstream lesbian porn is still depicted through the lens of manufactured male desire, a choice deriving from boys club porno producers, consumer conditioning, and a severe lack of investment in female founded adult production companies.
Conversations with my straight male friends about girl-on-girl pornography and the reality of lesbian sex have often resulted in me being met with a look that could only be replicated by trying to teach orangutans rocket science. “But when do they know it’s done?” is a classic question asked by those who have been conditioned to believe that the male orgasm is the egg timer of sex, and this speaks to a wider issue of a lack of true queer representation in mainstream porn.
Many of you won’t have to think particularly hard to find times you have felt misrepresented in pornography, and I’d like to pose the question, how many of you struggle to see yourself represented at all?
As I grew older, and as those who have read my previous blog will know, my relationship to my gender and sexuality became more complex. I always knew I was some type of queer from a very young age — everyone who watched The Mummy with Rachel Weisz can say the same. What I didn’t realise until I was 19 (which is still an early start), was that I was nonbinary. I’d always felt different to my cis female peers, and there were times I thought maybe I would prefer to be a boy — until seconds later I would recoil in horror. I found myself in a strange grey area. Armed with my second year university gender studies books I absorbed any theory I could that would help me figure myself out. I settled for the term nonbinary when asked what I identify as — I don’t think “cute twink from a horror movie” makes sense to people quite just yet.
During my time “figuring myself out” I looked for nonbinary representation in pornography…to not find that much. Of course, there are some fantastic independent queer porn production companies, but this was 2015 and like most young people, I looked to hub websites instead. Not only are these sites highly unethical — stealing content, hosting revenge porn, etc — but they are a sort of Pandora’s box all-you-can-eat stream of blockbuster debauchery.
Through looking at mainstream porn I saw myself faced with acts and scenarios I had done with previous male partners, where I had been treated very distinctly as a female — something that had always left me feeling uneasy prior to my coming out as nonbinary . So much of my sex life had left me feeling unaffirmed due to the lens that was being placed on me any time I engaged in sex. I “looked like a girl” so I was automatically treated how mainstream porn tells you to treat women. Even after coming out as nonbinary I have been non-consensually misgendered by sexual partners — a result of the default gender constructs seen in porn. These things could be answered by “you just pick bad partners Alex, get it together” , but that’s just not true. Many of these people are good humans, just ones who have been influenced by the porn they consume without thinking critically about it and whether it truly applies to the sex they’re having.
Companies like Brazzers, MoFos, and Reality Kings do not feature nonbinary actors — well, openly at least. I’m sure there are adult actors who work in mainstream porn who do lean more towards a fluidity when it comes to gender, but as we all know, that’s not what the studios think makes them money.
I would be remiss to not mention the percentage of pornography that features binary transgender actors (those who identify as male or female), however this content often has a fetishistic tone to it as opposed to acting as a display of trans joy. I have heard firsthand from many trans friends — the experience of being a child, confused about what you’re feeling, so you head to the computer and search for however you can make sense of your gender. Only to be met with pages of slurs and explicit images of trans women, leaving a confused child feeling confused. The lack of healthy queer representation in mainstream pornography is not only isolating, but can lead to complex issues with sexuality.
This is where the beauty of #MakeLoveNotPorn lies. It acts as a space where anyone — regardless of their gender, sexuality, race, size — can show off how they like to have #RealWorldSex . MLNP helps show wha queer real world sex really looks like. The creators, or MakeLoveNotPornstars, are clearly making content for their own enjoyment — and the positive effect that has on a viewer cannot be understated.
After finding out about MLNP, and perusing the #Licktionary (a resource I sung the praises of in my previous blog here) I was amazed to see the variety of MakeLoveNotPornStars — not only in gender, but race, age, body type — all who were having truly excellent sex. I no longer had to “make-do” with content created by mainstream studios, and videos I have watched have genuinely improved my attitude towards sex. I had found an environment where I could easily, ethically, and enjoyably consume adult content created by people just like me!
I have found dozens of videos on MLNP that have felt truly affirming as a nonbinary person, and if you are also struggling to find representation for yourself within adult content — come and check out MakeLoveNotPorn!
Here are a select few of my personal favourites.
This video from Hiya Maia sums up the joy of #MakeLoveNotPorn — as they spend some solo time on their balcony to celebrate six-months since their hysterectomy. This video is an expression of their true self as they affirm their gender, despite the nerves describes in the videos description!
MakeLoveNotPorn Star MYLITTLEPEONIES is using their videos to explore themselves as a nonbinary asexual, so where better to check out on their journey than the start! It’s so refreshing to see their confidence grow as they step into their own sexuality. They say it best on their profile where they mention they are deeply grateful for “a safespace to express my nonconformity ❤”.
Finally, this video from LucyLove92 encompasses the queer happiness that so desperately needs space in porn. Them and their partner both identify as Trans/Non Binary and decided to show us how they have #RealWorldSex in the beautifully titled “Transitioning With Love”. The kindness, patience, and fun seen in this video is so striking and for me, that makes it a must watch.
And if you would like to watch any MakeLoveNotPorn videos head over to MakeLoveNotPorn and create your free account today. Send an email to curators@mlnp.tv with the subject “ALEX SENT ME” to receive your free credit. Happy watching!
