Learning Queer Love with MakeLoveNotPorn
Or, how Tumblr made my sex life suck.
By Alex Furssedonn.
Or, how Tumblr made my sex life suck.
Being a “Zillenial”, my first exposure to sex and porn was, like for many others, through the internet. Gone were the much mythologised days of finding a dirty mag in a bush down the park. Instead, our generation got our first glimpses of blue movies through gifs on Tumblr porno blogs. If you’ve seen them, you know exactly what I’m talking about — a conventionally attractive cishet couple fucking in some aesthetically pleasing manner — so as not to scare the delicate sensibilities of the platform’s ravenously hormonal 14 year old girls.
But what this kind of content did was normalize one kind of sex — in the same way that mainstream porn companies predominantly create adult content for the male gaze, these blogs would take snippets of popular hub videos and place a black-and-white filter on top of them to make them more xxx. This communicated that “sex should be like this’’ to a rare 50/50 male-female user base who ranged in age from 13 to 35 — instilling these visions of homogenised sex in a generation who were looking to the internet for education. There was very little space for female pleasure in these 3-second looping videos — often reduced to “money shots’’ or contextless images of choking and spanking. Being GIFs, these clips played in absolute silence, removing the possibility of bearing witness to any form of verbal communication. Any queer sex was often fetishized (belonging to blogs with names like h0tl3sbians6969), which warped my young mind into thinking that my queerness existed for the arousal of others as opposed to my own. And of course, very rarely did the clips feature anything but cisgender heterosexual couples.
I have been aware of my own pansexuality and gender fluidity since I was a child, but I lacked the confidence to actually experience them because the images of sex I had been bombarded with as a teen didn’t have a space for people like me and those who I wanted to fuck. So I, like many queers who were socialized as girls, subjected myself to a few years of hard labour pretending to be a straight cis woman — which, as you can imagine, led to nothing but disappointment.
I struggled to enjoy sex — thinking it was stress, or antidepressants, or the phase of the moon that was preventing me from orgasm. No, I was just pretending to be something I very much wasn’t. After a particularly disappointing relationship broke down, and with a little help from some friends, I embraced myself in all my queer glory — but as someone who loves rules and instructions (*wink wink*), I had no idea where to go to learn about giving and receiving pleasure from someone who wasn’t a cis, straight man. I wanted to find out how I could provide an affirming and fun experience to my partners regardless of their place on the spectrum of gender, just like I wanted them to do for me — and a platform like MakeLoveNotPorn is a goldmine for examples of healthy sexual communication, queer sex, and hot little moments that’ll make you think “hey, maybe my lover might enjoy that?”.
So I thought, why not share with you MakeLoveNotPorn’s #Licktionary — which I use almost like an index for when it comes to finding new and fun things to do in my sex life. I thought about sensations or acts I enjoyed and wanted to explore more of — I also felt safe in the knowledge that the videos on MLNP could feature those in a healthy and communicative manner. So if like me, you struggle to figure out where to even begin learning how to improve your sex life, why not take a browse?
The MakeLoveNotPorn #Licktionary, whilst acting as a neat little tagging system, can also help you find hidden gems on the site that will give you the tips and tricks you need next time you’re in the sack (or car, or wherever) with a queer hottie. It goes without saying, communication is the most important part of sex, regardless of your sexuality and gender identity — so check in with your partner/s before you try anything for the first time.
So, here’s a few of my favourite tags and why I love them so much -
Def “All of the fantastic things you can do with a soft or semi-hard dick”.
In mainstream porn, and let’s face it, the world around us there is an obsession with a rock hard raging cock. However, during #realworldsex that isnt always so easily achievable. From a queer perspective this is an incredible resource for those who sleep with trans women, as hormones like estrogen and progesterone can make it tough to get or maintain an erection. The videos in this category celebrate the soft, and all of the wonderful things that can give your partner pleasure when a hard-on is out of the equation. Take a look at this video from xxxotter who uses the power of nipple play to bring himself to orgasm.
Def “Non-penetrative rubbing of body parts or inanimate objects (frotting, tribbing, humping, etc)”
In my opinion, a highly underrated act — bring back dry humping I say. And the best thing is? It’s something you can do with everyone, and even by yourself. You can choose to involve your genitals or not, and figuring out where to go from there is when the fun begins! Experiment with the different sensations you can get from rubbing on different things, pillows, chairs, thighs, you name it! I adore this video from ___*ANDREWANDFLOWEXGAY*____ , as he and his boyfriend fool around and incorporate grinding into their foreplay, getting intimate before they’re even in their birthday suits!
Def “From vibrators to butt plugs, all of the videos in this category feature sex toys!”
I believe there is a toy for everyone, and the great thing about this tag is that it proves that! Toys are incorporated into solo, couple, and multiple partner videos, just as they are in real life! Defusing the stigma and double standards against people across the gender spectrum using sex toys once again begins with socialising their use — and dispelling myths that they all have to be huge scary 3000 horsepower hitachis. This category proves that with the right imagination, anything can be a toy! Toys can also enhance any fun sexual escapades, like in this video from SIXTY-SIX, who mixes shibari, dildos, and mutual masturbation (what a combo!) for a gorgeously queer clip.
Identities Tags
Sex has never, and should never, be one size fits all — and to believe it is, is to limit not only your partner/s but yourself from genuine sexual satisfaction. And even if you’re heterosexual, learning about queer sex can improve your sex life just by virtue of understanding a little more about what makes the human body and brain feel good. Since giving myself the tools to break away from mainstream concepts of sex I’ve been able to have incredibly satisfying encounters with people of all genders — including cis men! Knowing what can affirm my #queer partners also means I know what to ask for to affirm myself as a #nonbinary person — and we all know that confidence in your own needs is one of the hottest traits someone can have.
So, why not check out a few of the #Licktionary tags and find out how MakeLoveNotPorn can inspire you to have better sex? Create your free account today, then email curators@mlnp.tv with the subject “ALEX SENT ME” to receive a free credit on your account to purchase any video from a library with thousands of real world sex videos.
