What If They Find Out
MLNPstar MapleSyrup Shares About Letting People In On The Social Sex Revolution
My worst fear in becoming a MakeLoveNotPornstar was, what if people find out? I know many of you feel this way too. Though I half-heartedly try to convince myself to not care what other people think, there can be real ramifications for being outed as someone who makes and shares sex videos. As a small business owner, prominent community member, daughter, neighbor and friend, I’ve considered how the people in my life might respond if they knew I MakeLoveNotPorn. What if people view me as unprofessional and then stop supporting my other business endeavors? What if people judge me as “disgusting” or unworthy of respect and decide not to associate with me? What if other women see me as a threat to their relationships? I’ve already experienced some of these responses from people as a result of being openly polyamourous, so I can only imagine that people’s judgments would be even harsher if they knew I also MakeLoveNotPorn. I tell myself, I don’t want to surround myself with people who are this judgmental anyways, but the reality is that I rely on people in my community to support myself financially. Part of being human is the need to feel a sense of belonging.
I like to confront fear by playing out each possible scenario in detail, carefully considering what the best and worst things are that could happen. What if they find out? I’ve thought it through and I predict that the people around me will likely have one of the following responses:
- Immediately go and search for my videos, either out of sexual interest or plain curiosity. Who are they to judge if they’re seeking it out and consenting to watching it?
- Immediately go and search for my videos, already having made up their mind that openly showcasing and celebrating #realworldsex is inherently wrong. They would then slut-shame me to their friends, unfollow me on social media and judge me as an unsavory character for profiting from my sexuality.
- Express a genuine interest and engage me in meaningful conversation about what I do and why.
I’ve been practicing coming out to friends as a MLNPstar over the past year. I get incredibly nervous every time I decide to tell someone, but each time I do, it gets a little bit easier. I’ve been very fortunate and pleasantly surprised to receive mostly very positive reactions from people, including but not limited to: “That’s so cool! I’m bookmarking this site.”, “Somehow I’m not surprised. Good for you.”, “Is it okay if I watch?” and my personal favorite, “I wish I could do that.” Many of these interactions have led to deeper conversations about sex and love which brings me so much joy.
I know that not everyone is going to respond so kindly and there are still some folks I wouldn’t feel safe sharing this with. Deep down, I’d love to just be one with MapleSyrup, full time. Gradually letting people in on her makes that dream feel closer to becoming a reality.
Here are some of the biggest reasons I am proud to MakeLoveNotPorn and want do it even more openly:
- It’s empowering to own yourself. When you own yourself, no one else can.
- Living in a fully open and authentic way requires a high level of courage and honesty. As scary as it is at first, it reduces anxiety long-term. When you’re a good person and live with integrity, it doesn’t really matter if anyone disapproves.
- It’s an act of resistance to love yourself in a capitalist society that tells you to hate yourself so that corporations can profit from your self-loathing.
- I’m proud to make the kind of videos that are real, respectful and loving; the kind I would want to watch.
- Whereas porn is often performative and unrealistic, I love that MLNP has started the #socialsexrevolution, promoting a positive, healthy relationship to sexuality, particularly for our youth.
- I love that I get to profit from my own body in a way that is peaceful. Zero harm. Zero carbon footprint. Much love.
If you’ve had the thought, “I wish I could do that”, I’m here to tell you that you can and in fact, I think everyone should become a MakeLoveNotPornstar. Here is my guide on how to film your first #realworldsex video. Here is where you can jump right in and sign up!
Next, I think I’ll come out to my mom. I’m not sure how yet. Maybe I’ll send her this blog post.
XO MapleSyrup
