Taboo Index 1.0: Permission Granted: MLNPstar LohPhiBunny’s Journey to Sharing Kinky #realworldsex
by MLNPstar and Ambassador LohPhiBunny
He messaged me on Recon, a kinky meetup app that I have a storied history with (for another time). I agreed to meet him on a whim after someone else bailed on plans just minutes before his first message. His profile pictures did him no justice, and I told him as much in person! We proceeded to dance the first of many nights away and he asked my permission on a rooftop lounge for the first of many kisses because he can be chivalrous like that!
We’ve been together for almost three years. Much has happened since then. Neither of us was looking for anything serious at first, but he surprised me with his initiative. He asked me to be his boyfriend and was the first to say “I love you.” I quickly learned that I was and am in love with him for all that he is; he’s my person. We both love working with technology, gaming, and being kinky. We’ve grown as individuals coming from different backgrounds. He came out and experimented sooner in life than I did. Part of this was because of the differences in our respective family dynamics, mine being ethnically conservative. In time, he brought me out of my shell while I helped him look inward.
Our sexual interests overlap but not completely, like a Venn diagram. Our libidos often vary. I read somewhere that gamers have less sex because they release plenty of dopamine from playing and I think that’s become truer for us both as we’ve gone on! He gets very focused on his work as a software developer, and I get focused on design. (We’re also both pretty spacy!) As a result, we tend to be more spontaneous about cuddles and kisses than having a full-blown sesh that encompasses our respective kinks. We’re each other’s priority, but it’s unrealistic for us to expect that we’ll always align, so we have an open relationship and have fun with some very close, kinky friends.
It actually took me some time to come to terms with the idea of an open relationship when I grew up only having my parents’ monogamous, 40-year marriage to reference. Feelings of jealousy, suspicion, and loneliness were natural when he engaged both platonically and sexually with friends I knew he’d been with or fancied. Those feelings are not exactly something you just “get over.” For me, an open relationship became possible after some mental reframing. I’ve had to learn:
- the difference between “love” and “in love”, which I learned from my parents. My mom has told me that, for better or worse, my dad is her soulmate. She loves him with all her heart, and he loves her with all of his, but they haven’t been “in love” in a long time. I’m proud that my relationship has both!
- that “you can always make more love” from this spicy polyamorous lesbian in college during a three-hours-long conversation in the bustle of a campus common area; she learned this from her mother. Time flew by as she opened my mind to her point of view, and I remember her words when meeting new people as someone with a bit of social anxiety.
- that, to my partner, sex is essentially a fun activity. Trying to fulfill the idea of being someone’s “one and only” may work out sometimes, but it places so much weight on one aspect of a relationship. It can be the greatest thing ever, but we are more than the sex we have. He and I are best friends first.
Put otherwise, sex is multifaceted and unlimited which is what I hope to convey with what I share on MakeLoveNotPorn (MLNP), a mission-driven, #RealWorldSex video-sharing platform.
I got involved with MLNP while seeking junior product design jobs. I happened across a post on my LinkedIn feed calling for MLNP Brand Ambassadors. I did some homework and really resonated with their position on sex education and ethical technology, so I figured why not apply? I have since been working on diversifying the MakeLoveNotPornstar demographic with LGBTQ and PoC representation. Having no more qualms about discussing the intimacy in my own life also affords me the audacity to lead by example and “be the change I want to see” for MLNP. So I’ve started sharing videos of my own even though it’s not one of my responsibilities because I “fuck with” the idea that openly sharing #RealWorldSex allows MLNPStars to be “beacons of permission” for others. It’s a way of saying I support your own, individual pursuits of safe and consensual pleasure. It’s a way of saying your version of sex is also valid despite not needing anyone’s approval in the first place. It’s not always easy, but undoubtedly worthwhile and terribly fun. If you haven’t tried it yet, dive right in and see what I mean for yourself!
Uploading my first video that captures my tickling and bondage kinks with someone outside of my relationship has been an experience that’s reinforced those learned lessons. I hope it will continue to present opportunities for honest conversations around non-standard relationship dynamics while giving viewers something new to consider. As long as we’re enjoying ourselves in the process, my partner and I really do fully support our individual pursuits of pleasure. In the end, it’s out of respect, love, and in each of us believing that the other deserves to feel amazing, even if we’re not always the one to make it so.
Looking for inspiration? check out our Licktionary and perhaps rent another MLNPstar’s video! Enjoy!
