How I Learned to Stop Worrying and MakeLoveNotPorn
It was before we were even married that Chris first proposed recording a video of us having sex. I was probably 19 or 20. I don’t remember it but apparently I did agree to it once or twice– he deleted the evidence shortly after, I’m sure at my behest. The idea of seeing myself in all of my naked, jiggling, uninhibited glory was too much, I was sure, and would turn me off of sex forever if I saw it. I think he continued to half-heartedly bark up that tree for a number of years before giving it up entirely. We found many other ways to expand our sexual repertoire and keep things exciting in our years together. Nonetheless, I’m sure it surprised him when I finally, at the age of 38, asked him if he still wanted to record a video.
A little bit of background about me: I was very heavy as a teen, a little awkward but funny, sort of cute, extremely introverted but decently popular with a specific circle of friends in high school. I was something of a late bloomer in figuring out my sexuality, and my shyness and instinct for self preservation seemed to steer me away from the kinds of sexual exploration through casual encounters that a lot of my peers experienced. I clumsily lost my virginity to the one serious boyfriend I had in high school before my relationship with Chris. Chris and I have been together happily for, well, longer than I even like to say anymore.
During those first few years together I also achieved my goal of finally getting “skinny,” dropping around 60 pounds from my highest weight, but not always through the healthiest means. At my slimmest, I still dealt with cellulite, skin that still jiggled in places, and feelings of body dysmorphia. For a long time, even at 120 pounds, I remained convinced that a positive self image was just another 5–10 pounds away. Maintaining this weight, I would find, required a lot of obsessive calorie counting, and my success at it varied over the years. I admittedly did have something of an exhibitionist streak, posting some risque photos in my Livejournal days, but the idea of an actual video of us having sex–it always felt like something I could do if only I could just get a little bit skinnier first.
So I can’t quite put my finger on what inspired me some time late in 2020, when I was nowhere near my “goal” weight, other than restless thrill seeking during one of the darkest parts of the pandemic I suppose. Chris and I recorded a video, and I watched it unflinchingly. I was surprised and pleased at how natural and hot we looked! Yes there were parts that jiggled, and some angles worked better than others, but what I saw when I watched us fuck was undeniably hot. Over the next several months, we began having more and more fun incorporating the camera into the act. Then, in December 2021, I read about MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, an ethical alternative site to mainstream porn, in a Slate sex advice column. As someone who loves sex, but is kind of grossed out by a lot of mainstream porn tropes, this immediately piqued my interest.
MakeLoveNotPorn was the first site I had encountered that showcased videos of real sexual experiences in their full sexy, silly, messy context; of genuine pleasure and the electricity happening between two people (or one, or three). MLNPstars looked like regular people–young, old, straight, queer, fit, fat, cis, trans, nonbinary, and everything in between. I loved the founder’s mission to disrupt the sex tech industry and create a #socialsexrevolution. Convincing Chris took little time at all, and within the first week of joining MLNP, we giddily held our breath as we uploaded our first video. Were we really going to let people watch us have sex? Would people want to watch us have sex? We were nervous, but felt assured the site’s subscriber model and strict moderation policies would more or less filter out viewers with anything unkind to say. With so much free content available on the internet, I was stunned as our first two videos earned us a few hundred dollars in four days. I was hooked.
The positive response was amazing and felt totally empowering. As I started to engage with viewers and other MLNPstars through the comments and other social media channels, I found a real sense of community–MakeLoveNotPorn was less Pornhub and more Pinterest for perverts. Finally I was convinced of something I had long suspected but was never quite certain, with my history of insecurities and having been with only one partner for most of my adult life: that we were really good at having sex, and looked awesome while doing it! And as we’ve slowly let select IRL friends in on the secret about our sexy new side hustle, we’ve been met with curiosity, respect and support. It’s helped us share parts of ourselves and opened us to conversations we never would have had before. It’s hard to talk about MLNP without talking about how it intersected with our foray into ethical non-monogamy, but that might be a topic for another blog post.
So here I am in 2022, approaching age 40, and entering year 3 of the pandemic. Fitness classes and obsessive calorie counting have fallen to the wayside again, and even though I cringe at the number when I step on the scale, there’s a new sense of confidence in me. I’m surprised at how much I rather enjoy this softer, curvier body when I look in the mirror. Fears about negative feedback, about being outed or doxxed, have largely fallen to the wayside too. If someone from my professional life catches wind of it and wants to seek out our content, I suppose that’s on them, and we’re not performing for anyone’s pleasure but our own. And I feel secure knowing that if we decide being MLNPstars isn’t for us anymore in the future, we’re completely free to remove our content at any time.
If you’ve read this far and are and feeling intrigued, why not create your free account at MakeLoveNotPorn right now and keep reading about all the great reasons to become a MLNPstar? You just might be surprised about what you find there, and what you find out about yourself along the way. And if you’re worried viewers might not like what they see because you don’t look like a porn star, there’s probably someone out there just like you wishing for more sexy content from people who look like them.
Experience MLNP for yourself and sign up for an account today! Make sure to check out all of redclover691’s amazing #realworldsex videos. We can’t wait to welcome you to the Social Sex Revolution!
