Cindy says: I came across a comment on Reddit from Peter and was blown away by it (you’ll see in the post below why). When I asked if we could publish it here, Peter and Kim kindly proposed that they go into more detail about the impact MLNP had had in their lives — and when I read everything they’ve written here, I was even more blown away. It’s amazing member stories like this that keep me and my team going through considerable challenges to build the Social Sex Revolution. Thank you so much Peter and Kim!
We’re Kim & Pete we’ve been members here since 2016 and while we currently have no intention of submitting a video of our own, though I guess you should never say never, we have enjoyed a number from here.
So how did we end up writing a blog post for MakeLoveNotPorn? Well a little while ago I answered a question on Reddit regarding couples watching porn together, their word choice not mine, which came to Cindy’s attention. In response to this she reached out to seek permission to repost it here, consent is important in all things. While I was happy for this the answer was simply a referral and yet there was more to the story of how MakeLoveNotPorn had influenced us so we offered to share this part of our story here.
To kick this off here’s the part of our answer that described both us Make Love Not Porn:
“My wife & I have been together for more than 35 years so I guess we’d be classed as being in a ‘long term committed relationship’. So do we watch porn together? Perhaps, I’ll let you decide. Does it have a positive influence on our relationship? I’d suggest so.
Allow me to clarify the first part of this statement. I’m not to sure if what we’re watching classifies as porn, certainly a government regulator would consider it does, but it doesn’t feel like porn. We found a site from a TED Talk called make love not porn, link at the bottom. The premise of the site is that couples or individuals will make videos of themselves and post them to the site. Most of these have an introduction explaining the situation prior to the ‘main event’ almost as if they’re trying to establish a connection with their audience.
The sex, the recording and publishing is consensual and mostly between couples in an established relationship. The videos don’t have a huge porn type feel to them in that they focus more on the couple as a whole so there’s little in the way of full frame genital action. As with a lot of ‘home movies’ production values can vary greatly and those participating look ‘real’. Remember not everyone is slim / young / smooth skinned, just like real life. The other part that feels different to traditional porn is that the participants are primarily there for each other rather than a paycheck and it comes across in the end result. So like I said you can decide if what we’re watching classifies as porn.”
This wasn’t our first foray into adult entertainment viewing some of you may remember a series of shows by Nina Hartley from the early 90s. We have watched a few of these which were presented as ‘educational’ and while there was certainly an educational component to it I suspect there was also a considerable amount of self promotion included.
This was our only real exposure, pardon the pun, to watching adult entertainment / porn together.
OUR EXPERIENCES WITH MAKE LOVE NOT PORN:
Without exception nothing of what we’ve seen here has a ‘porn’ feel to it and unlike some of the ‘sex tapes’ that have escaped from their owners, celebrity or otherwise, there’s also no feeling of voyeurism. This I suspect is a combination of the introductory video where you are invited to view their work along with the knowledge that due to the way this whole thing works what you’re watching is clearly both genuine and consensual.
We also found that as we were watching the videos we would discuss what we were seeing and whether or not we wanted to try it. It wasn’t so much that what we saw was new to us but that there were differences, subtleties if you will, between how those in the video did a particular thing and how we did it. This of course gave us a new approach to try. It also made me wonder given how many people there are how many of these subtle variations are there that remained unknown to the rest of us?
While we had often discussed the sexual components of our relationship having these discussions while watching the videos from Make Love Not Porn seemed to ‘normalise’ them. They became more casual and comfortable, almost like discussing a television show that you watched, across a lot of areas. This increased level of comfort in discussing various aspects of sex made it easier to communicate with each other what it was we liked, what we wanted and what we’d like to try. From reading many posts on sites like reddit and quora I believe a lot of people could benefit from this more relaxed communication.
I guess there is also the obvious question of whether or not these videos ‘excited us‘. I would have to say yes, however I would temper that by saying that we normally watch these sitting very close to each other nude and hands do tend to wander so there may have been other factors contributing to our excitement.
If you’re wondering whether we have favourite MakeLoveNotPornStars, the honest answer is no. Our video selection is based on the description and the preview video. The description is what would normally grab our attention first and the preview video normally sells us on it. There have been some videos that we remember as having inspired some fairly interesting ideas, can you say sex by a waterfall?
On a technical note, well I am an engineer, we normally watch these videos on either our iPads or if we have the house to ourselves one of our large televisions. While they all look great on an iPad I’ve noticed of late that there is increasing support for higher definition in some of the submissions which plays well on the larger screens. I figured we’d just say we’ve noticed it, used it and appreciated it.
MAKING OUR OWN:
After watching our first few Make Love Not Porn videos Kim suggested that we should make a couple of our own for our own consumption. Now being a big fan of playing with cameras and an even bigger fan of playing with Kim this was an idea I was very quickly on board with, I’d even envisioned deliberate errors requiring multiple ‘retakes’.
So a phone was duly positioned and set to record events. Two things about our first foray into this struck me as interesting. Firstly there was no ‘performance anxiety’ with the camera rolling, an odd phrase in our digital world. I can only put this down to being completely focused on what Kim and I were doing and simply forgetting the camera was there.
The other thing was the experience of watching the recorded video of us. I’d assumed it wouldn’t be that engrossing as we already knew how the story ended however, the reverse was true.
It quite literally gave us a different perspective on what we did with each other. As with the videos from Make Love Not Porn it got us talking about things and suggesting other approaches. We could see each other’s facial expressions at those times when our own faces were concentrating on other parts of their body.
Of course the sights and sounds of Kim reacting to what I was doing to her was an incredible turn on and it’s an experience I’m planning to revisit regularly.
Given our experience with just the first of our videos I would suggest that even if, like us, you’re not sure about becoming a MakeLoveNotPornStar you should certainly give it a try with your partner, consensually of course.
As Kim has often observed things like this never stay simple with me. In no time at all wed gone from a single phone recording to a couple of phones a go pro and miscellaneous other bits and pieces. This of course brought about the need to edit and this is a task I certainly enjoy.
Lastly, this videoing got us thinking about different scenarios. Looking at what and where we wanted to record ourselves and in some cases this required a bit of planning. If I look at our calendars we currently have two dates set for recording our activities and we’re thinking about a third. We’ve actually started planning some trips specifically around things we’d like to record ourselves doing.
Thinking about our sexual activities like this has been a huge change for us. One we’re embracing and happily credit Make Love Not Porn, and Kim’s suggestion to get the camera out, for getting the ball rolling.
A MESSAGE TO THOSE ”JUST LOOKING”:
If, like the original poster on Reddit, you’re considering sharing some erotic watching with your partner then I’d certainly suggest giving Make Love Not Porn serious consideration. The emotional connection between those who present these videos is obvious so it makes for a less confronting first time experience. There is no feeling that one of the participants is being subjected to any type of humiliation or degradation being directed at them and certainly none of the standard porn tropes make an appearance, sorry no well endowed pool boy servicing the lonely and also well endowed young wife.
Should your experiences with these videos be similar to ours you might be pleasantly surprised by the changes you see in the bedroom, or even on your next visit to a waterfall.